Pizza is fantastic, but the more you eat, the less amazing it becomes. The first slice is great, the third is still good, but by the time you eat the seventh or eighth it becomes much much worse. This applies to all foods, but especially to those that can be eaten in large quantities.
I have provided a visual illustration:
If you are trying to communicate with someone in front of you while driving, you can honk, flash the bights, or wave. However, there are limited options to communicate with people behind. You know those programmable light up boards that scroll through schedules or announcements at airports or on signs outside department stores? I would take one, attach it to the back window of my car, and have preprogrammed messages displayed by the push of a button. Think of all the nice and pleasant things you could write to brighten the day of the driver behind you.
It’s that moment when you sit down with a bag of chips and try to open it. After a few tries, you start to actually grasp your problem, and focus on opening the bag. When it still refuses to open, you stop, wipe your hands off on your pants in hopes you will get a better grip and try again. Vigorously attempting to open the bag, you start to feel slightly tired, and you just stop. You look at the bag, and your whole view of the situation zooms way out, as you realize how stupid you look trying to open a bag of fatty processed potato ships. Do I really even want to eat these chips right now? Well, they are sitting right in front of you, and you’ve put so much energy in already, so you take out your keys and rip the bag open.
Every time I am stuck in traffic, I wonder how traffic jams can even exist, since all cars should be going the same rate anyways. Because of merging and accidents, however, traffic jams are a reality. Since my only solution to traffic jams is teleportation, I am going to discuss some other ideas.
[I strongly encourage you watch the videos (warning: lengthy) before reading my analysis so you can think for yourself.]
TED Talk: How to solve traffic jams
In this video, Mr. Green Bowtie says that the solution to traffic jams is additional taxes. Using Stockholm as his example, he shows how an additional tax significantly limited traffic. Because this is a predictable trend, he goes on to say that people actually like the tax as they see its benefit. Besides the fact that this data came from Sweden, this idea will not work because of its manipulative nature. As his presentation progressed, it seemed like he was performing experiments on mice in mazes. Although Mr. Bald Head has a reasonable idea and well-presented evidence, his control-minded solution of “nudging” people into behaving according to his master plan is not feasible.
TED Talk: Brilliant designs to fit more people in every city
This video contains a variety of topics, but I am going to focus mainly on the car idea. Mr. Gray Jacket presents the concept of a small, compact car that can be parked much more efficiently than normal cars. In his parking lot scenario, he claims he could fit seven times more cars in the same amount of space. The drawback is that the cars are shared. Much like a shared-use bicycle concept, these cars would all be the same, and could be used by anybody. This idea would fail miserably, and I am surprised that Mr. Five Water Bottles still supports it. These cars would be trashed. Oh, I just spilled coffee in my shared-use car. What do I care? Not my problem. These cars would be the ugliest, most run-down, dirty, smelly things imaginable. This is a blatant whole in his logic and shows how his talk is less about actual solutions and more about the “wow” factor.
Both of these solutions have hidden flaws and would not work in a realistic world. So until we all work from home (or invent teleportation, I haven’t given up on it yet), traffic will be an annoyance.
I absolutely hate it when people who are part of a certain group use their position to counter the general opinion of said group. If person X is a member of group A, which as a whole generally believes B, and he says that B is wrong and C is right, then people not a part of group A use his position to diminish the overall legitimacy of the group. For example, take a group of middle school students. If one kid decides to be a terrible person and thinks they should receive more homework, he could say, “Well, I’m a student, and I think we should have more homework.” He uses his position as a student to go against the general position of the class, and give the class more homework.
Usually, however, this trend does not concern trivial matters such as multiplication worksheets. “Hey look guys, I’m a member of a new indie band, and I think that piracy is awesome!” Just because one person from a group thinks contrary to a certain view, doesn’t mean the whole group does. “I’m Asian and I think Asian jokes are hilarious!” Congrats; not everyone does.
Betrayal by association turns from manipulative to downright evil when the person claims to be part of a group that they are not. “Oh, I’ve been a supporter of gun rights for years, and I’ve gone hunting and own lots of guns, but I think that the position of gun rights activists is despicable.” Oh, please. The sad thing is that people eat this stuff up, and believe outright liars.
Laugh tracks make everything funnier. Popsicle. *Hardy Laughter* See?
What I need is a small device that on the push of a button plays a laugh track. Imagine, after you tell that hilarious joke you’ve been developing over the past two hours, a crowd to appreciate your comic genius. Not only will it provide the intended reaction, it will also prompt others around you to think your joke was actually funny. Therefore, by pretending to be funnier, you actually are.
But, why stop there? I would have a variety of sound effects, all programmable into the device. Maybe famous movie quotes, ready for the perfect situation. Or what about a cricket chirping, the buh-dum-tss of drums, or an explosion? With great timing, this device could provide comic relief to an otherwise boring situation.
I have provided an illustration:
History is boring if you focus on the names, dates, and politics. Learning about the reigns of different Kings in Europe or the transformation of the early American political parties has the same level of interest as watching reruns of children’s television shows. History is about adventure, discovery, and invention, and can is fantastic if you can imagine yourself in critical events of history.
What would it be like to work on a top-secret project during the largest war in modern history? Collaborating to make a weapon that is theoretically possible based on the existence of particles that have never been seen, you create a finished project that you are not able to test until it is actually used. And what about the power when it finally works as expected, when you realize that you have created the most dangerous weapon in existence?
Or what if you, after many days traveling through an uncharted jungle, slice through the foliage to see giant, ancient pyramids of stone? Relics of an ancient civilization, ready to be explored and discovered.
After traveling halfway across the world, working with huge forces of men to discover a fresh, untouched tomb, rumored to be cursed. Obviously you don’t believe the hoax, and you find the riches and splendor of a lost civilization. How would you feel when one of your team members dies without warning the next week?
How would you feel when you finally artificially clone an animal, completing the first step in dominance over the mystery of life, only to have it die mysteriously at a young age? Would you question the presence of something that doesn’t want this experimentation to occur?
History is engaging, mysterious, and full of adventure, as long as you can take on a first-person perspective, and focus on the details.
The man who invented corndogs was a pioneer in the food industry. Although the original creator is unknown, he will remain anonymously in my memory because of his ingenuity.
Corndogs are excellent because they solve the major flaw of hotdogs. With hotdogs, in order to put the meat (and other toppings and such) in the bun, it must have a long lengthwise slice. This would be no big deal, except not all hotdogs and buns are exactly the same size. Also, because of people who want to load up with toppings, the hotdog does not usually find a resting place in the direct center of the bun. As a result, the bread-to-meat ratio is messed up, and the hotdog isn’t as good. I have provided an illustration to clarify:
Corndogs solve this issue by uniformly baking the “bun” onto the hotdog. Now, if the creator would have stopped there, he would have made a substantial contribution to society. But, being the wizard-level food creator he was, he decided to add a stick, greatly increasing the convenience of the corndog. Not only was the overall food better, but it was more enjoyable as well.
I know that trying to make improvements to the corndog is like trying to retouch the Mona Lisa, but you could solve the problem of the leftover stick by making them edible.
He goes to the same grocery store,
every week on Thursdays.
He knows the names of all the workers,
especially the young pretty ones.
He tells the same jokes each week,
but doesn’t realize the laughs aren’t real.
He walks as slowly as he talks,
and busy people pass him in the aisles.
He watches his blood sugar carefully,
since his wife can’t remind him anymore.
He recounts vague stories of the war,
ones he barely remembers himself.
He waits patiently in line,
and thanks the boy who bags his purchase.
He cares about the future of his country,
but he won’t buy green bananas.
Although I understand the positive intentions of the “never give up” motivational theme, I would like to point out a few of its flaws and limitations.
Usually these campaigns are aimed towards students or young people, giving them examples of people who didn’t give up and achieved great things. The most common example is Thomas Edison, who failed in many areas before inventing the electric lightbulb. The problem with using people like Edison is that they were not “normal” people – oftentimes the structure of school or society severely limited their creativity or inherent genius. Most people are not able to avoid formal education then make a breakthrough in some field of scientific study.
The main problem with the “never quit” philosophy is that sometimes quitting is the best or most responsible option. Sometimes people need to refocus their efforts on something else, instead of aimlessly fighting towards an impossible dream. Maybe basketball isn’t your true calling, and you should invest your time in music instead. This can be applied to business as well. If an idea or new project is a flop, investing lots of time and energy in it can lead to failure of the entire company.
I truly appreciate and agree with the concept of working hard towards your dreams, but the more important skill is knowing when to give up.
Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs 