Hey, Thanks

Recently in multiple instances, people have thanked me for something that didn’t necessitate formal appreciation.  I was caught off guard, since my actions were not deliberately thought out with the intention of being nice.  I never really accepted the appreciation with much gratitude, saying that it wasn’t really a big deal.  Afterwards, however, I understand what a positive influence their words had on me, and how they probably thought their statement had no real effect.  The past few days have given me confidence that even if someone doesn’t make it obvious that your thanks was appreciated, on the inside they do appreciate it.

On a similar note, thanks for reading my blog; it means a lot to me.  I have some semi-big ideas I’m working on for the near future, so I hope you continue to keep reading.

Automatic Trombone-Playing Machine

I do not understand how people are able to play the trombone.  In order to play the correct note, the slide has to be positioned in exactly the right spot, and is constantly moving in order to play a complicated song.  There is no marking for the notes, so you have to memorize their location, and have lots of arm strength to play for an extended period of time.

As per usual, I have invented a fantastic solution to the problem presented.  Inspired by the moving ink thing in printers, the Automatic Trombone-Playing Machine is programmable, and moves quickly and precisely into the correct positions.  A keyboard conveniently attached to the instrument allows the slide to be moved at the press of a button.

A Crossword Puzzle

Crossword Puzzles are lame, since I never get any of the references because I don’t watch TV or movies 24/7.  I have constructed a crossword puzzle for you to try, which requires some random and obscure knowledge.  Try it, hope you enjoy!

Answer Key

Sports & Fashion

I don’t watch much TV, but recently I was at a restaurant that had one tuned in to sports commentary.  After a quick discussion about college football, they displayed a picture of some football player’s new haircut.  As they were discussing it in all sorts of unnecessary detail, something dawned on me.  Following sports news is no different from following celebrity news.

“The Giants have a big matchup next week, will they be able to pull it off?  Their running game hasn’t been too good lately, but with their new freshmen out of USC they might make something happen.”

“So today we learned that Kristen Stewart is going to be starring in the new Snow White movie!  Some people don’t think that her performance in Twilight will be able to transfer over to a new style.  And did you see that cute dress she was wearing on shoot?”

If I were to take a recent issue of People magazine, I could crop out the pictures of actors and replace them with football players, and change the side stories to “New rookie makes a big play?” or “10 hot tips for watching football with your friends.”

“Why were NFL teams wearing pink cleats this Sunday?”  Who cares?  I definitely don’t.

Personalized Plates

I am always glad when I am stopped at a stoplight and the car in front of me has a personalized license plate.  I try to guess what they mean, and if it is not readily apparent, I make up a story or situation to justify the plate.

Some are just obvious, like “ILUV10S” (I love tennis) or “K AND D” (names of two people, eg Kate and Daniel).  Plates with elusive meanings are much more entertaining.  Once I saw a plate that said “635 YRS”.  If the number was something smaller like 35, it might be how many years they were married, or if it was slightly larger like 112 it might be how long their business has been in existence.  Not satisfied with either of these applications, I came up with a few ideas of my own:

1)  Their family lineage dates back 635 years.

2)  They are psychic crazy and predict that the world will end in exactly 635 years.

3)  They owe $635 to the IRS, and are confused by the whole situation so they are asking “Y”

4)  The “R” is actually a “P” in disguise, making it “SPY” spelled backwards.  They are actually one of the last remaining of the 635 Russian spies from the Cold War, and are subliminally hoping someone will confront them so they can reveal their amazing life story to the world.

News Story Attention Span

No matter what the event is, within a few weeks most people forget that it ever occurred.  Remember “superstorm” Sandy?  That was two weeks ago, so everything is all cleaned up now, right?  In this case, people were so flooded with information about the storm that after the wave of interesting pictures ended, they ceased to care.  Similarly with the tsunami in Japan and the earthquake in Haiti (oh yeah, I remember that one now), after a few weeks, people got bored and moved on.  I’m not saying we should continue to harp on issues that are old, but the speed at which people fall in love with a certain cause then forget about it a week later amazes me.

I have provided a graph to illustrate:

Why Communism Doesn’t Work – A Loaf of Bread

Communism is a flawed system and will never work on a large scale.  The reason is easily illustrated through a simple loaf of bread.

Despite it’s symbolic nature in human culture and history, a loaf of bread is also physical proof of why communism will not work.  If you have ever had to share a loaf of bread with other people, presumably over a span of time, you know how irritating the end pieces are.  Someone will skip the first slice in the loaf, taking the inner slices to construct their sandwich of choice.  This system works well, until the Russian Roulette of sandwich preparation unfortunately lands you with the two end pieces.  Fury, disgust, disappointment, and guilt are all natural reactions to this situation.  Even if you decide to be the good person and eat the sandwich with two end pieces, the cycle will continue with the next loaf.  Eventually, the harmonious system of bread-sharing will fall apart, leaving a stalemate over the bread, a waste of food, or separate loaves of bread for each person, so they must face the consequences of their own end-piece-avoiding desires.

It’s easy to avoid the bread end-pieces in life for a short amount of time, but eventually they will catch up with you, and you won’t have anyone to eat them for you.

MAX POWER!

I’m not sure if it’s just me, but whenever I have a slider/dial control of something, I refuse to put it on maximum.  Whether it’s the A/C in the car, volume on the TV or computer, or speed on a snowblower, I choose the option right below max.  I imagine a scene from some comic book or children’s TV show where a mad scientist dramatically pulls a lever on a machine with lightning shooting out.  I think I subconsciously feel that the machine is going to break or sustain long term damage when on the maximum setting, even though most of the time this isn’t true.  Whenever I see someone else driving who turns the air on high, music on loud, and accelerates very fast, I cringe.  I don’t think it’s as much about sympathy for the machines as it is a repellence for the personality type.

Driving at Night

One time I had to drive somewhere very late at night.  Everything was completely dark and silent, and there weren’t any cars on the road.  Driving on the quiet street, I approached a four-way-stop intersection.

I could go right through.  No one would notice.  No one would be harmed.  It’s not even that big of a deal.  I could clean it all up by the morning.  I wouldn’t even have to tell them.  There would be no evidence.  Nothing bad could happen on the first time.  It’s not even a risk!  Anyone would do it!  No one would ever know.

Driving along the black, empty, road, I slowed down to a stop.

2012 Election and Poll Prediction

[This is the last political post for a while, I promise.]

I would rather not post my reactions to the election, since I feel like everyone else has covered every possible reaction through their facebook posts of celebration, angst, or desire to move to another country.

I think I would much rather discuss my prediction and the nature of predictions in general.  Elections are not like sporting events, where any team can make a comeback, or where an underdog can pull an upset.  For many months leading up to an election, polls show the trends of opinions.  By taking a small sample size, they can accurately extrapolate their data to the rest of the people in a region, and by organizing all of their statistics, they can predict an election.

Looking back on my election prediction map, I feel kind of dumb.  I accounted for too much variability in swing states.  The election was like a count of how many times a penny would land on heads or tails when flipped.  The polls took the metaphorical penny, and flipped it thousands of times.  They would come to the conclusion that the penny when flipped 118 million times would result in equal amounts of heads and tails.  My election prediction is like saying that when you flip a penny tons of times, it will land more on heads than tails!

If you make a prediction for the Super Bowl or make a NCAA bracket, at least you have a chance of being right if you bet on the underdog.